Chuck Norris Facts

My sister got me addicted to these things. They make me giggle.

CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:

• There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
• Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
• Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  

• Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  

• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
• Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
• Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  

• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
• When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  

• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
• James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.